You Wanna See Part of Me?

 I am tired been without the car. Tired of spending the money for taxi. I am tired, that i can't wear proper clothing, if i must walk for half an hour back and forward. You feel ashamed to wear nice clothing, because of these village men, screaming, eating you.

So as much as I can, I ask for a lift. Pretty annoying thing too. I never will be on time and so many other factors. 

This time, when I saw him, coming next to me with this car.. i was speechless. When he offered me to take his car, and drive myself to work, I said ok at first. But hen i realised, there is no even water for washing the window.. i got annoyed. I asked him to put it that i can at least see something. HE DOES NOT KNOW HOW. He passed me the bottle of water. Put it in front window... I dont think it looks sexy at all. Black classic skirt, white shirt.. black hills, and fucking dirt that i am sitting. People passing and making shit out of me. Hope my boss did not see how I arrived, I parked far away, that nobody notice.. that i even here, or i came with this car.

Walking dogs at the beach. There is a proper walking road, but i love walking fast on the sand, without people passing you disturbing. This time, when this idiot (bangladesh, shri lanka, arab, iraq, iran.. dont know) saw me, he run towards me, or better to say, jump to the sand, and screams.. babyyyyy, i love you, i love you, baby.. i said i love you, why you walk away, i love you.. ah you are scared!!! you are scared, baby, i love you.

i was not scared, i am annoyed of these people. you are stranger to me, i walk fast, with dogs, i dont need to talk to anybody. but why would they think, i would be attracted to this? what i suppose to stop and scream...baby, i love you too, take me just here on the sand... ?

or when i go out of the house before sleep, again with my dogs.. why would a taxi driver, parking next to my house, around 50-60, would do that?#

 He was in bed for about half an hour, saying stupid things

-you will take it out
-i will check if i am a father
-i will take it
-i will call it after my mom or dad
-why you need it?
-i will sleep in my house tonight.. i will collect few things to wear tomorrow
 he collected all of them, but forgot the toothbrush. when i passed it to him, he got mad, screaming at me. -why you kicking me out of your house? sorry, but you collected all your staff. babe, if you run, better run now..

he did not give me a lift to work, just said.. walk.. after following me, asking, if i need a lift.

MIDDLE FINGER!

men are such ... :)

 few months ago, as the crisis came to our life, to our main office came new staff, as we had spare room, to not pay the rent for their separate department. 
one young woman around 30. she is very calm and nice. eating healthy and so on. married with one child. girl 5 years old. her husband was a lawyer before he opened a restaurant, but somehow business did not work (not a suprise in cyprus) he went back to his past career and making a training in greek company for a small salary, but for his future.
her second pregnancy was planned. she did the scan in the beginning of pregnancy, and did not bother to do it more. cause doctors here are really expensive, plus it was her second pregnancy, so .. she knew whats happening. she did not even want to know, whom she gonna have. 
when she first came her belly was showing, but not so much. and everyday i was watching how this small life is growing inside her. everyday i was asking if the baby is kicking, how she feels. i felt shy talking to her about this next to anybody else, cause everyone did not seems to bother at all. so few weeks ago when she was 7 moths pregnant. i notice her belly shape changed. i dont know how i notice this thing, i never was pregnant myself, and did not bother about these things before. this time, i was really excited about her. she was plannign to work till the end. and to come to work after 1 month of baby birth
two weeks ago when she was late to work, i did worry. cause she was always coming earlier, and two hours later we called her. on sunday night she gave birth to a baby boy. it was a shock for me. how come when everything goes so well, baby wants to join the world earlier. 
after c section. they took the baby one hour drive to capital of cyprus, because only there we have incubators. and somehow experienced doctors. (to mension: we have around ten ambulances for whole country, and only two in our city)
from then, we did not keep in touch, our manager went to visit her in the hospital with flowers, i collected few cosmos and russian magazines for her, to keep her mind off, and not to worry about baby.
everything went good, until today. morning. 
she came to the office, she looked good.. 
i mean she lost alot. 
-hi, you look wonderful. you lost too much weight.. how is the baby?
-i have no baby..

silence. anger. shock. 
what the fuck? when it happened.. it would not happen yesterday, even 2 days ago, she would not come to work right?

i called another girl. 
what the fuck? when it happened? one week ago?! what the fuck you were thinking, it was hard to let me know? they did not bother. for one week i was working with them seen at least 100 times. eating lunch together. and nobody discussed this subject. about how we can support her.. and so on.
idiots! 

all i know. all i remember. Infection. baby had infection. 
he was alive for one week.

very scary, very sad. i dont know if i want to have my baby here. in this strange country. 
remembering my strange experience. going from one doctor to another doctor opinion just 3 weeks separate from each appointment. one was saying nothing, saying i am healthy.. and after 3 weeks another was saying i need the operation NOW, cause i am one stage from cancer. i dont trust doctors here. god bless me, to be healthy, god bless people who i care about to not get sick. and god help this woman to get through of the loss of her baby boy. 

one scary bird, ate the body of my hamster. the head is still in the cage. fuck the bird. fuck that balcony, fuck the cage and Cyprus in general

 i have 6 diplomas in nail art . means i had alot of studies done, but i did not practive for over a year. the terrible thing is. when you go to do nails for yourself, you see to many mistakes, especially when the nail artist did not finish a good school. you feel shy to tell anythin, because its not them mistake, they are lazy or something, they just dont get these things. i feel very down paying the same amount of money, knowing that if i did it by myself it would look thousand times better, i know if i did for customer for that amount of money and time, i would make a princess nails. i leave upset. and whats the point? what i will start to buy all the staff and start from the beginning to be a nail artist? or work only saturday, sunday? yes for sure my lover would allow me to do that. my god, its suppose to be our salon. my quality, my customers. pissed off. help

мой друг. тот парень, с которым не боишься показатся глупой. он рядом, когда это надо, его нет, когда и так мужиков полно. к слову у нас никогда ничего не было.
 

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 today the wife of my lover called me. 
"i will kill you, stop calling my husband or you gonna have a problem"
what problem i can have? and what a bullshit that i am calling? 
"i will tell your husband!!! i know you are married.."
another lie, i am not, thanks god, i am single. 
just enjoying an action. i did not even sleep with him :) oh well, sad that i finished with him few days ago, it would me nice to see, whatever would happen if we were still "together"

моя неприязнь к коллллеге только нарастает.
она аккуратно выбирает тарелку, потом натирает ложку до блеска, руками берет кусочек пирога, ставит его в микроволновку на 5 минут, пока он горит и пылает. она идет в мой туалет.. посрать. выходит выбирает пирог из микроволновки, и на ходу хватает его руками и сует в рот, потом кидает на тарелку.. черт горячий. я дура, пошла помыть руки.. в туалете мне стало плохо. ну иди посри в свой туалет. ну зачем мне портить кристмас?!

Маленькая солидная компания. Люди с высшим образованием. Переехали в наш офис. Видят меня первый день. Женщина беременная : Привет Юлька, как ты?!
Мужчина: ЗДАРОВА, че ты? А почему в офисе музыка не играет? Я Ваще не понимаю, у нас в офисе музыка своя.. Мой мокрый зонт рядом с тобой поставить? 

Я просто молчу.. глаза большие только. У меня было не тегкое детство, но каким то простым манерам меня научили.

My night started so simply, until i checked his new nokia phone. Downloaded video. Only one. 5 minutes of hell. Young Woman laying down on the floor, lots of men around screaming arabic, and about 6 different people beating her up, using legs, beating her body.. to the face, to the back, to her stomach, all men around watching. screaming to kill her, her poor body. She tries to get up.. but her head was smashed to the floor with a huge stone.. blood. she is dead. another stone to her back. still men are hungry for blood. for show. most of them capturing it on the cell phones, cameras and so on.

i was in deep shock. what the fuck i was asking? why nobody helping her? why these men are killing her? Why the police is not around? What she did?

I got my answers from him very quickly. These people are her relatives. Dad, cousin, brother or whatever, only they allowed to do Honour killing. Nobody helping her, because she brought a shame to her family, she run away with a boy of a different kind of religion, it was enough for her parents, to make a dacision to kill her. Police is around, police was watching it. Because it is legal in those arabic countries. Thats what i got from him.

I went to research this subject on the internet. For sure i found the video of it again, and yet i was in a bigger shock when i knew that there is about 1000 women each year killed by this way. Without anybody bringing justice to them.

Anyway. About this girl. She was 17 years old. Dua Khalil Aswad. She lived in Iraq Bashira Kurd Area. Religion Yazidi. Too many versions about what exactly happened, and why she was honour killed. one of the version. She met sunny muslim guy, and her religion hates another. She run away with this boy, somebody said she tranfered her religion to muslim. When the police found her, they brought her back to her house to be killed. After she was barried with the dogs, they took her body back to the hospital, to check if she was a virgin or not. In fact she was. But as her family members commented, to meet and to talk to this boy it was enough for her to be killed.

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en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honor_killing

 my mood was awful because he did not text me or called me, but inside i was happy its over.
when he texted me to offer me a lift home. i was happy at first. when i saw him, i felt numb, no conversation, nothing. and i feel so fucked now. the worse night i can remember this week? 
why?! he texted me as i wished. i saw him as i wished. why am i upset? what i expected? that he gonna jump over me? or what? 

I thought the girls at work acting like hoovers, eating all sweets, but now i am sure, there is another one. 3 pack of bisckets i bought for office last friday, just now he comes, where are those...bisckets ... i mean, man! you ate them all, do you really think, i am gonna buy 100 of them. 

 


I would not say they are bad. You can't say bad to whatever God made. God made them different. He put a challenge on US WOMEN to be together with these MARS Humans. 

As for the last night. My ex Man gave me the final answer. Or as I thought the final answer. He gave me No to have a r/s with me, because of too many reasons. What his family will think of him coming back to his ex wife, what the people around will think of us been together, what if i will do the same mistakes, what if he will do the same mistakes, what if it will be the same shit, what if i will not be happy.. anyway the point is its too difficult been together. 
We both have strong feelings, we both wish to see each other. But in a different way, I want him to be my partner, without caring of anything, he wants a free r/s, the one that nobody will know about as it was for a half a year now. 
I said no to that, and explained again, that to be lovers there is no point knowing nobody needs you for more, to be friends, its impossible to see the man you love just as something else. So i said, you not gonna see me, you not gonna be able to reach me. ok.. i left

few minutes. telephone call. see i can reach you. for another 2 minutes. he feels so bad, he does not know what he wants (suprise) asking me to not change my number for 3 days, let him think.

oh my gosh. 3 days of hell. and after the same shit. receiving NO to my face. or whatever. 

 worse thing that could happen during your lunch time? while you walking back to office, to break your shoe in the middle of the street

worse thing that could happen when you came back to office? my manager asking me, where he can buy a gun. in a serious matter.

worse thing that could happen in the morning? 6 am drumming march of 100 people

worse thing that could happen on sunday? to find out your lover cheated with other 5 in 2 months, and feels ok with that.

worse thing that could happen to a young lad? to findout, that the girl he slept one time with, over 2 month ago... i think i am pregnant.

 Vera 28. Accountant. Slim, calm. Most annoying thing about her, she is commenting her moves.

"Thinking to drink a coffee, yes, I am gonna go and make some coffee now, or no maybe later, what if there is no milk, I will go and check"
"Yes, I want water, I want to drink, but before that I am gonna go to the toilet, yes, I am going.."

Nina 30. Chief Accountant. Smart glasses, fat belly, but she thinks she is the most fantastic woman. Most annoying of her.. 

When she goes out of her office, its like a 100 kg man running in that hills. 
As she is doing this, she runs like something happened, comes to the reception to take a tisue, or a candy, and runs away.

Sergey over 50. Manager. Proggressive man. 

Most annoying, he likes everything to be on that place, and all the doors closed, asks everyday about fishes, how they feeling..

Tatyana 30..something. Lawyer. Answers the phone, like she just came from the war

Miroslav 26. Lithuanian.Treasurer. He is not busy. And does not knwo what to do with that. So goes up and down in the office. And does not know what to ask me, sometimes, just stands and watch what am i doing.

 

It's not very interesting to have a business lunch with two co working companies. Especially when there is a language difference. Greek and Russian. All you can do eat, eat and eat, and talk about work, as I am not doing anything at my work, there is nothing to tell. I always adored man in a classic suit, there were too many.. 

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with Kim Porter, and kids (except of Chance Combs)


( Family affair )</div>

i love my mommy, and i know she also wish the best to me.
-i found somebody, who gonna share your rent for apartment
-?!
-anyway, i have a friend, this friend has a daughter, she just got divorced, and she is leaving in england, so anyway, i gave her your number, and email, she wants to come and live in cyprus, as soon as possible, i told you gonna find her a work, and she gonna live with you. she gonna send her cv to you today.

girl emailing me: hi. so what work you gonna find for me? because i found tickets to cyprus already. want to come as soon as possible, but already when the work gonna wait for me. so anyway, who are you. send me pictures of yourself and the place i am gonna live, and what i have to bring to cyprus with me.

....